What. A. Day. I mean really… like… I have no words. Ok. I lied. I have lots of them. Y’all who know me… know I always have words.
Yesterday, I went to the doctor feeling like death was about to overtake me. Strep throat. Yikes! Can we just all stop for a moment and praise the Lord for medicine? I am not being sarcastic here. It’s good stuff and I am so grateful that I feel like I do right now and that I don’t feel like I felt this time last night. Meds are good.
So… today. I woke up feeling ok-ish. Better, but not 100%. I was planning to get some house work done, tote JD around town for an appointment, and rest up. Clearly, that plan didn’t work out.
Jesse has been constipated. He has also been the hardest ever child to potty train. Anyone who has experienced those two things together knows that it’s a very, very painful combination. He can’t go.. therefore when he can go.. he goes… in his underwear. The alternative is gross, loose poop… also in his underwear. Also because if the comstipation. Sorry… mom blog. What did you expect? So, it was a rough morning. I thought we had managed to get it worked out. Then Jason found out that he had an accident at school. He also had one at school one day the week before. Oh and yeah… one day the week before that too. Ok maybe we were still on break then? Maybe we weren’t? I don’t know what week it is. But if we had been in school… he’d a had one. Like he did at the Christmas Eve service (you know while I was at the er getting JD’s 5 stitches). Alas, Inthought we had this whole potty thing over with and now… thanks constipation… We don’t. Back to today. So, Jesse tried to clean up mess on his own this morning. He washed out his underwear in the sink and apparently used and flushed lots of TP. He stopped up our main floor bathroom. This eventually led to a flooded basement. Yep. I figured that out like hours later when I returned home from taking JD back to the school from the dentist appointment to hear water flowing from somewhere. It was a waterfall… coming from the ceiling. Yay! Our toilet has had some issues running occasionally. No major emergency and not all the time so we hadn’t tinkered with it. Well… it was a bad combo with a stopped up toilet. I spent the afternoon pulling out ceilin tiles and trying to dry out the floor with toilet water dripping down on me. Yay again! Also… I asked those tiles to forgive me for all the times that I called them ugly. They are way better than dealing with damage in a traditional ceiling. They forgave me… I think. So… tonight and tomorrow we are doing a cleanse on the poor boy in hopes that we can finally get this under control. That means no preschool. Glamorous.
As I mentioned… JD went to the dentist. I have PTSD from a terrible dentist experience with him a few years ago. I won’t torture you with those details. Jason took him after I picked him up and dropped him off to Hero Daddy! Turns out he needs a minor procedure. They will do it tomorrow and he has to be sedated. It makes my heart hurt. I hate it when he has to go through all this stuff. Even though I hate the dentist.. tomorrow.. I’ll be right there snuggling him up as he falls asleep and patiently waiting for them to finish up. Because that’s what mamas do. We push aside our worries and fears (that are mostly ridiculous anyway) and we love, support, and snuggle. Sedation means no school tomorrow. Glamorous.
No school for either boy. Yay! I had high hopes for this first week of Jesse in 5 days. Plans to get caught up… work ahead… pack for vacation. Nope. Not happening so far. Oh well. That’s the life of a mom in a big family. There is always something. Glamorous.
It’s very glamorous. You know… going to the store with 3 of your 4 kids by baby wipes to wipe your FOUR YEAR OLDS bottom while still having damp hair from cleaning up toilet water…Glamorous.
I lost my mop. Yep. It happened. Y’all, I am the queen of hotmessness. I needed to mop the floors bc we tracked toilet water everywhere today. I couldn’t find it. I gave up and went to Walmart to buy a new one. I didn’t wanna go in my pjs. I literally put on cute leggings and shoes and left my pj shirt on. My coat was going to cover it anyway. A neighbor stopped and complemented me… I literally almost died. Clearly, my scheme worked and I would have been waaaay less cute if she could see what was on under my coat. Glamorous.
This isn’t the life isn’t what I envisioned. I had no idea how terrifying, frustrating, and insane motherhood would be. A soup only diet for my sore throat. Constipation. 4 year old poop. Constant dental work. Procedures constantly. Homework. A 7 year old that has been learning to read for 3 years. (Have you listened to a new reader read… it can be so exciting and also painful.) Lost mops. It’s not glamorous. There are days that I count down the hours until bedtime. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s stressful. It’s messy. It’s gross. It is so worth it. It’s so completely worth it. My love for these kids far surpasses the fears, frustrations, and insanity. It doesn’t however mean that those things don’t sometimes wash over me.
Regardless of the chaos today, I kept remembering a somewhat obscure verse in 2 Timothy 1: For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that is within you as well. (Verse 5) That’s what this crazy mom life is about. Faith. Faith to trust God that eventually perseverance in the daily trials grows me… that endurance will have its perfect result as James promises. Faith to trust God that he loves my kids more than I do. As Psams says he knit them together in my womb. He is there in the procedures, constipation, reading struggles, etc. Faith to choose to access the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control that come from the Holy Spirit (Galatians) in my circumstances will help me to be a light in my home and in the world as I serve others. I want my faith to be like that of Lois and Eunice. I want my kids to see my faith and choose to follow Jesus. I want them to learn how to respond to a bad day by my response. I want them to learn to deal with themselves and others out of an overflow of grace.
So today, I wanted to cry. I wanted to pitch a fit. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to yell and throw ceiling tiles. I was frustrated. I was fearful. I was anxious. I was ready to throw in the towel. I wanted my faith to win. I wanted joy to ooze out. I wanted grace. So, I prayed and asked for help from the spirit. I asked a few girlfriends to pray. I recited 1 Thess 5:16-18 over and over. I didn’t yell. I didn’t cry. I didn’t throw ceiling tiles. (I did count down the hours until bedtime to myself a few times….ok… maybe Jason once.)
Take away: embrace Jesus in all circumstances. He is at the ready. He is already interceding for you. Tap into that peace and joy. You’ve got this mama… even if toilet water is dripping down your back. In everyday there is a new chance to choose Jesus instead of our flesh… maybe 1,000 chances.
Ps: Remind me to re-read this next time I look stressed. I am still a hotmess in progress.
Pss: Ignore the typos. I’m not proof reading due to exhaustion.